Well, this is it; I’m leaving China. In just a few days' time, my partner and I will be on a plane out of here. After a year full of extreme highs and lows and much unexpected, we have made the difficult decision not to stay. Although, really I feel as if the decision was made for us.

Looking back at the lockdown

Let me first start by saying that Jake and I were some of the lucky ones. The severity of the lockdown and its consequences varied drastically from person to person, district to district. Some were luckier than others and many suffered greatly. While Jake and I experienced many of the same challenges facing the city, we were never desperately in need.

Post Lockdown - What Is Shanghai Like Now? | Why I’m Leaving China

We spent 80 days locked in our compound and 27 days confined to the inside of our small two-bedroom apartment. While we were lucky to have extra food stored to last us during the shortages, there were very real concerns about how we would acquire food and water. It was the first and hopefully the last time I have ever had to seriously ration out my own food. It’s a strange feeling to have a city surrounding you, food delivery and apps at your fingertips but still unable to access your basic needs. Basic needs surpassing food and water were difficult to come by - life-threatening medications, personal hygiene products, diapers and baby formula - the list goes on and to suddenly be cut off with no real warning put people in very dire situations. People came together and helped when they could, mothers traded vegetables for formula and people found ways to make meals out of the government rations of spam and cabbage.

The major issue was the rhetoric being told, ‘Shanghai will never go into lockdown’, this is what the government said. When they made the announcement, they reassured people, the lockdown would only last 5 days. No one was prepared for what would turn into months of restriction and a very seriously disrupted supply of goods. Suddenly, you couldn’t get what you needed.

Amongst the shortages was the complete lack of control and freedom that we had over the situation. Shanghai was completely left in the dark and was consistently fed information that best served the authorities. In addition to all of the physical challenges- limited food, water, being confined to our homes- was the wear and tear on our mental health. Stress can impact you just as much as a physical injury.

I think I also speak for others when I say that mentally, it was hard. I’m a social and active being, I feed off of the energy of others and I love being out and about, doing all the things. Lockdown at home, in the West, wasn’t really a lockdown compared to this. In the UK and the US, we were able to go on long walks outside, shop at stores, drive to a park and even see some of our close family and friends that existed in our ‘bubble’.

What happened in Shanghai was hardcore, a true lockdown by definition and I’m lucky to have had Jake by my side. Without Jake, I would have spent 80 days alone, with no real or genuine human contact. For some friends and many others in the city, this was their reality. Completely alone in a foreign country, with language barriers, perhaps lacking a sense of community and most of all, with no end in sight.

You can imagine how difficult it would have been and because of this, many expats bought flights immediately; abandoning the lives, careers and homes they built here, all in an effort to get out of the country as soon as possible. I don’t blame anyone for jumping ship and throughout the 80 days, Jake and I very seriously considered doing the same.

The control

Coming to China, you have to expect a more controlled environment, you’re signing up to live in a communist country after all. I knew we’d need VPNs to access certain sites on the internet like Google. We expected a certain degree of control but the lockdowns displayed just how much control the government genuinely has. Videos circulated constantly, depicting the harsh treatment and extreme measures taken to curb ‘the spread’. I couldn’t believe some of the footage I was seeing. Videos that caught the government red-handed in acts of violating their own citizens went up and were removed within minutes of posting. That is communist control.

People were locked inside, thrown into mass quarantine centers, forced out of their homes, beaten into submission and at a time, families were even separated. Personnel in PPE and head-to-toe hazmat suits patrolled the streets and guarded apartment compounds. It became very clear that the government valued its reputation of ‘zero covid’ more than the well-being of its citizens.

After all of this, people were angry; citizens rebelled and some even fought against the control at their compounds. Many of the Shanghai citizens developed a new distrust in their government, a large portion considered and many actually are leaving their own country. When you’ve witnessed what the authorities are capable of, it’s hard to forget and even harder to forgive.

I believe the extremes that China went to hurt people more than the virus ever could have. The percentage of cases in relation to a population of some 27 million was honestly laughable and the death rate was the same, minuscule. All of these restrictions damaged the economy, disrupted global trade and changed the opinions of not just expats living in the country, but of their citizens as well. All of this to curb a threat of less than 1%.

What’s Shanghai like now?

After the extreme and complete control implemented during the lockdown, no one expected the doors to simply swing back open. And essentially, that’s kind of what happened. As quickly as it came on, life nearly resumed back to ‘normal’.

Of course, it’s not normal at all, but food deliveries, shopping malls and businesses went straight back to it. There was a period of not being allowed to dine in and in some places, not even sit outside, but that’s all gone now. Life has, for the most part, resumed. Still though, the limitations and restrictions remain.

As a result of what’s unfolded and from political influences, people have expressed that Shanghai has changed. The lockdown has contributed to this, but many describe that the city has been changing slowly for the last 5 to 10 years. A loss of ‘soul’ has been felt amongst many citizens and expats, they talk about the glory days of how Shanghai used to be. While this change hasn’t occurred overnight and is less obvious to those that are new to the city, it is clear to everyone that the lockdown of 2022 has hit Shanghai hard.

Health Codes

The government tracks and traces every citizen using a QR health code. Every person in the city has their own personal QR code that is attached to their identity, whether it be a passport or national ID. We scanned this QR code for every nucleic acid test throughout the lockdown and continue to do so now.

This code is scanned for entry into nearly everything- taxis, restaurants, stores, pretty much every building in the city. This QR code must be green in order to gain entry and essentially for you to have any sort of social life. In order to keep the QR code green you, at the very minimum, need to have a COVID test within one week. After that, your code will show yellow and you probably won’t be able to do much or go anywhere. Should you be traced back as a source of a positive case whilst having a yellow code, you can actually be legally responsible for spreading the virus (insanity, right?).

Now, not only is the QR code color-coded, but it also shows the period of time since your last nucleic acid test. The standard now is 72 hours. You need to have a green health code with a test reported within the last 72 hours to do anything. With the processing time involved between swabbing and having the results reported, you are testing every other day. Every time that QR code is scanned, our movement is tracked and recorded to that location. So, we have our ‘freedom’ to move around but there are certainly no secrets here. The news circulated a perfect example of the irony of it all ‘Tofu expires in 5 days and you expire in 3’.

Compounds and businesses sometimes still require 24-hour tests which means that for many people, the daily testing continues. In addition to testing, lockdowns continue to happen. From compound to compound if a positive case is found, the building will go into a 2, 5 or 7-day lockdown at a moment’s notice. The citywide lockdown has long been over, but the threat of a lockdown looming over your head is ever-present. All it takes is to be in the wrong place at the wrong time and once again, you’ll find yourself in lockdown. This can happen anywhere, in your own home or even in the office with colleagues.

All of these tests, continued mask mandates everywhere, intermittent lockdowns and the QR health codes are constant reminders that I am not free; free of the control, the restrictions and the panic upheld surrounding the virus. Since March of 2022, we’ve completed an estimated 70 PCR and thats not including the at home tests that were often required twice a day. Since arriving in China, I’ve easily completed well over 100 covid tests.

I am so over COVID - and that’s me keeping the profanity out of it. I’m exhausted, it has ruled my life for the last 3 years and I so desperately want to be rid of the paranoia and limitations.

Moving forward

Looking back at what happened feels quite surreal. It’s been nearly two months since the ‘doors opened’ and lockdown officially ended. It feels as if it was ages ago and at the same time like it was just yesterday.

It’s amazing how quickly we can move on from things and in retrospect, how much our brain tends to focus on the good before the bad. For whatever reason, we often remember our experiences in a positive light first, leaving out the minor and often, not-so-nice details that went into painting the full picture. For example, when I look back on my backpacking experiences, I remember the highs first, the moments of triumph and fulfillment, where I grew as a person or experienced a totally new sensation for the very first time. Moments like being alone atop a mountain, scuba diving with manta rays and turning strangers into lifelong friends. This is what I remember most.

I don’t first think back to the sleepless nights aboard overnight buses, the long hours of moving from one place to the next, the dirt, sweat and the many uncomfortable challenges I faced and often, alone. I don’t forget these completely because in truth, without the hardships, the good wouldn't taste so sweet. But, while I don’t forget them, I certainly don’t spend time thinking of how it felt, not as I do with all of my most cherished memories.

I don’t know why we do this, but I’ve always found it to be true. And now, I feel the same is happening in regards to the dreaded Shanghai Lockdown of 2022. It’s ‘over’ (hopefully for good) and many people are moving on, as they should. But as we move on, we may begin to forget the ugly details and what really went down.

There’s no use in dreading the past and holding a grudge over what’s been done, but as much as I’ve moved on, I don’t think I’ll ever forget. My opinion, introduction and experience of this country have been so wrongly skewed and tainted. Because of this, it makes it so hard to stay, to continue living here and to force a home in a place that continues to feel so restrictive. I live abroad so that I may travel and explore new countries and places. Quarantine measures have been reduced in China but they are still in place and restrictions on free movement remain within the country. This makes it difficult to do the one thing I live abroad for.

Who knows what the future may hold? I don’t hold it against the city of Shanghai, but rather against the government. China has so much to explore and one day, I’ll be back to see it all. For now, it is what it is and it’s simply not the time for us to be here.

Goodbye Shanghai

This wasn’t the plan, obviously. Before everything happened, my partner Jake, and I envisioned ourselves living in Shanghai for a while - 2 to 3 years, maybe even more if we fell in love with it. The potential is here, to build a home and a career while still having that sense of adventure we both crave. There’s a reason this city has such a large population of expats that aren’t just young and here for a short while, families and careers are made here; people come to Shanghai and they stay.

Shanghai is an incredible city with so much to see and do, it’s bustling with all the perks that one can expect from living in one of the biggest cities in the world. It offers a blend of the old and new. Embedded underneath all of the modern sophistication and tall skyscrapers is Chinese culture. The tiny food stalls, the old, ancient buildings, the sycamore-lined streets - this is what breathes life into the character of the city, and it is absolutely charming.

My time in the city was restricted and so very interrupted but even in my short stay, I found so much to fall in love with. Goodbye Shanghai, I look forward to when we meet again and hopefully, it will be on far better terms.

So, what’s next?

Life works in mysterious ways, I used to believe that everything happens for a reason and now I feel that it’s really more of a cause and effect. A series of dominoes, one thing leads to another and when we look back, I think we find the ‘reason’ out of retrospect.

As trying as the Lockdown was and as much as I feel that COVID, and all that went with it, has robbed me of many experiences, it has gifted me one thing. All that has taken place within the last few years has shown me what I don’t want - being tied down and at the mercy of a singular place or my work. I want to move, live freely and focus on the one thing that leaves me feeling fulfilled, travel. Having all control ripped from my hands has motivated me to take it back, I want to be in the driver’s seat. That includes where, how and when I work.

So what’s next? I’ve got some big dreams, ideas and intentions and if you keep following along, hopefully you’ll see the next chapter unfolding here soon.

Madeline

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