Lessons Learned from Covid | What The Virus Took Away and Eventually, What it Gave

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Sairee Beach, Koh Tao - Thailand

2020

It’s January 2020 and my bags are packed, sat by the door of my parent’s house in Michigan. It’s time and I’m so ready. After spending Christmas and some quality time at home, this was the start of a new adventure - a solo 6-month backpacking trip.

It wouldn’t be my first time on the road alone but it would be my longest backpacking stint yet and with a few years of living abroad already under my belt, I felt confident and prepared. I felt ready to take on the world and the irony of my hopeful ambition is obviously quite clear now…

Unfortunately, I didn't see my 6-month journey through and as we all already know, Covid swooped in and changed everything. I made it as far as mid-March when I lost my passport amidst trying to leave India. Impeccable timing, I nearly got stuck for good as the borders were closing due to covid restrictions. Without a doubt, this was the most stressful 24 hours I’ve ever experienced and you’ll be able to read that juicy little story very soon.

Long story short though, my journey was brought to an abrupt end, I boarded a plane back to Michigan and with that, the rest of the world shut.

I’m sure most of us are exhausted from the topic of covid and rightfully so. The virus ruled our lives for nearly 3 years and has left so many sad consequences in its wake. Now, most of the world is living with the virus and I find that some clarity can be gained in hindsight. I feel compelled to share how covid has affected me and it's time to put it down on paper.

What covid took away

I know that I’m not alone in my hatred for how the virus threw life into a standstill. Many people lost jobs, loved ones, businesses and much worse. My experience was my own and I’m well aware that I am one of the lucky ones.

Before covid, I was at a point in my life where I was truly thriving. I felt invincible, like anything and everything was possible. I was living alone, exploring the world, creating memories and deep connections- life truly felt rich and colorful every day.

While abroad I grew confident and capable. I knew that I could depend on myself and in a world where there is only so much we can control, this empowered me.

What would the future hold? I wasn’t sure, but this is exactly what excited me, not knowing only meant an infinite number of possibilities. What I did know was that I was the one paving my own path. I had a strong sense of trust in my journey and in myself.

For three years I was swooning - head over heels in my very own fairy tale - me, the protagonist and my muse, the world.

Laos

During those years abroad, I had grown accustomed to a certain kind of living and a particular lifestyle. My life as an expat is very different from that of my Michigan upbringing. Not to say one is better than the other, but life in the US is simply not the same as being abroad.

My life was full of constant change, tests, brand-new experiences and all things ‘foreign’. Something as simple as going to the grocery store isn’t mundane anymore, it’s an adventure in itself. A simple task like this presents new challenges and with that, an opportunity to grow. Each moment became a chance to practice a new language, expand my abilities and ultimately, collect a new experience - whether that be big or small.

Living abroad puts you in touch with the world, it allows you to go deeper. Through your interactions with the culture, locals and your fellow expats, your reach around the world expands.

You grow deeply rooted in what surrounds you.

Imagine every day filled with brand-new tastes, sounds and feelings. You’re learning in every moment and as you do, you can sense the growth that’s taking place; you are evolving. All of this ignited a heightened thirst and threshold for adventure.

It’s a lifestyle built upon liberation. I felt free and I felt fulfilled.

Then suddenly, the rug was swept out from under me. The life I spent years building, was now gone.

Just like that.

So there I was, sitting in the basement of my parent’s house with no clue what the next step would be. The contrast between my previous lifestyle to my pandemic living was stark.

I won’t lie, the adjustment was hard. I felt unsure of myself, lost and most of all, stuck. A feeling I’m sure most of us can relate to.

All of the confidence I had just built evaporated into thin air. The power I felt abroad in creating the life I wanted was suppressed. I had no power now and my life was not within my control. It was as if a path that was once so clear was now hidden from me.

Pai Canyon, Thailand

As a result, instead of actively living my life to the fullest, I became passive and took a back seat. I felt I was at the mercy of what surrounded me. I began to exist from a place of victimhood, feeling powerless and in a constant state of limbo. Soon, being present became difficult to do, I spent all my time living in the past or daydreaming of a future I was unsure would happen. The patience and peace I had built abroad grew thin and I found myself short-tempered and restless. I gained weight and to put it simply I grew sad and defeated.

New fears and anxious thoughts began to form and soon my mind felt foreign to me. I felt not only isolated from the rest of the world but also from myself.

What covid gave

Let’s fast forward a little, it’s March 2022 and I’m living in Shanghai, China with my partner, Jake. We moved here in September of 2021 to get back to the life we were once living abroad. China had successfully handled the virus thus far and while the rest of the world was going through lockdowns and closures, China remained open. Life was as normal as it could be and this was part of our motivation for making the move to this country.

China had essentially ‘beat’ covid… until now.

After two years of dealing with on and off covid restrictions, we found ourselves in yet another but far more extreme lockdown.

China took Covid restrictions to a whole new level and you can dive deeper into all that madness here.

To sum it up, we spent weeks confined to the inside of our apartment and spent months dealing with mandatory covid testing, health codes and food shortages. The restrictions in China made every protocol in the West look like child’s play.

This was the tipping point for me, I had officially been pushed to my limit. Jake and I had come out to China to get back to living and it felt as if covid had personally followed us there.

While stuck in our apartment, I decided to make use of the time I was given. There was no other option really, I had to find some use for it, for my mental health’s sake. I had considered writing my own blog for a few years but never felt ready to take the leap. This was the push I needed.

I spent entire days dreaming up the intention behind Deep Rooted and even more designing and building the site. A pleasant distraction, I became engulfed in my new creation, but as the days ticked by in lockdown my impatience still grew.

I was fed up with not having control over my own life. Covid has taught us all what little control we have in this world. If you didn’t know it before, it was made abundantly clear throughout the pandemic.

I thought that I had made peace with this fact because I found comfort in the little control we do have- the control of our own choices. Covid challenged that resolve and gave many of us a new perspective on the world around us.

The virus caused many of us to take a step back and think about what we value most. It encouraged us to pay attention to life’s simple pleasures and to be grateful for the often overlooked and underappreciated things.

It challenged the tools I thought I had when it came to dealing with my mental health and showed me that the work is never over. I was forced to face a state of negativity and perhaps it served as a lesson, life cannot always feel good. Traveling and living abroad can sometimes feel as if you’re on a constant high and in elation. As much as we may all want to live there, the highs cannot exist without the lows.

Finally, after two years of grieving over what covid took from me, I was tired of feeling like a victim. I wanted to regain the power and hope I once felt, so I decided to take back the mindset covid robbed me of.

Part of retrieving the mentality I once had meant making some new choices. I made the choice to pursue work and a life that wasn’t constrained by any one place or job. My time is too valuable to give up on terms that are not my own. I wanted fulfillment and freedom. The trick was finding the work or job that would allow me to find what I was looking for.

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Koh Tao, Thailand

Here I am today, typing away on a Thai island in the Gulf and within sight of the ocean. I look around and often ask myself, how did I get here?

As with anything, it was a combination of factors. And as much as I hate to admit it, Covid did play a huge role in my being here.

Without the pandemic and its many challenges, I would not have made the leap to pursue my creative outlet in Deep Rooted and start my own business. I would not have had the push needed to set intentions for a more balanced life, to prioritize my time and live my dream of working remotely.

I am where I am today because of all that came before - the good, the bad and the covid.

I still struggle some days, chalk it up to covid or getting older, but I do find my mind still wanders to places it never did pre-pandemic. I believe many of us will struggle with the effects of the pandemic for whatever personal reasons there are.

For me, it robbed me of my positive mindset, my resolve and my confidence. With this loss, I’ve learned how important it is to have tools in place and healthy habits for managing this. Covid has tested me and in the end, allowed me to grow.

In the end, the virus forced me into a path I may not have otherwise found - a path of new-found freedom and new perspectives.

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